Comfort
by Utari
Summary: This was a rare and perhaps a once in a lifetime look into his brother's introspective, into the feelings that beat within the boy's heart for the past seven years. [Spoilers ahoy]


Title: Comfort

Rating: PG

Pairing: N/A

Genre: Angst

Warnings: Spoilers for movie, people. And when I say the movie, I mean the ENDING.

Comments: Alfons is Alphonse Heiderich. I wanted to avoid confusion between the two Als.

Disclaimer: Fullmetal Alchemist belongs to Hiromu Arakawa, blah blah blah. Now, onto the fic!

It was their sixth night together, and like the previous times, they both slept in the bed that Ed and Alfons once shared. Alphonse had protested at first, not wanting to somehow disturb the space that held memories of the boy, but Edward would not have his brother sleep on a cot, and there was no sense in arguing with Ed, as stubborn as he was. He really didn't want to sleep by himself anyway, since snuggling with his brother, like they did as children, sounded much more inviting.

So, after Alphonse emerged from the shower, he dressed for bed and climbed in, Edward ready and waiting. It looked as if he were asleep, with eyes closed, chest rising and falling slowly, but Al knew better. He was regaining his memories from the time he was in the armor, and he could remember listening to his brother sleep as his metal body refused to do the same. Ed didn't quite snore, but wasn't quiet, and tended to shift frequently. When he had nightmares, he would make slight whimpering noises and call out, usually to their mother, sometimes to Al. Occasionally, he would talk nonsense, mostly things like _colonel, you're like milk, you know that_ or, _stop stealing my automail, Winry._

"Brother? Would you mind moving over a bit?" Alphonse asked quietly, placing a hand on the older boy's shoulder. Without opening his eyes, Ed grunted a "Mmm" in response and squirmed a bit under the quilts until there was enough space for Al to slip in. He did, but not before reaching over, turning off the bedside lamp, and setting the alarm clock. He could hear the grunt of protest from underneath the covers; Ed wouldn't like being woken up at six, but Alphonse knew it would take more than a buzzer to stir his brother. He chuckled softly at the thought and only then did he allow himself to settle in, tugging the blankets close for warmth. Their apartment was drafty, and winters in Munich were harsh and merciless, especially on Edward. His automail ached terribly in the cold, and he didn't quite keep it secret; Alphonse was the one to light the stove after Ed's long-winded rants.

However, in the midst of warm blankets and bodies, it didn't seem to bother him at all.

"Goodnight, Brother." Alphonse said sleepily.

"G'night." came the muffled reply.

---

Alphonse had been on the edge of sleep, had been drifting into a dream when he heard Edward speak. At first, he thought it was part of the dream, but as he swam back to conciousness, the voice became clearer, until it was just Ed and the silent night.

". . . and I know it's stupid to be all emotional, but I just can't help but think that all of this has been my fault. Those years spent chasing the stone, those years of our separation, it's all because of me, and now that I think about it, maybe everyone would have been better off without me."

The impulse to interrupt his brother's quiet musing, to yell at him and tell him he had importance and that he wasn't alone and _Ed, we made that mistake together, all those years ago_ was restrained by the fact that this was a rare and perhaps a once-in-a-lifetime look into his brother's introspective, into the feelings that beat within the boy's heart for the past seven years. Al remained silent.

"I was so stupid, going around trying to save people, when all I did was destroy. . . Hughes, Marcoh, none of them would have been killed if I hadn't gotten involved. And Greed, I killed him with my own two hands."

Greed. . . ah, right, Greed. He wasn't in any of the memories Al had started to regain, but once Ed spoke his name, a hazy image of the homunculus presented itself in his mind and he recalled the night he waited for his return along with.. Maria? No, it was. . . Martel. That's right.

"I put so many people in danger, and even worse, they were in that danger because they wanted to help _me_, the one responsible for it. Colonel nearly died fighting off Pride, a battle that shouldn't have happened at all. I was so selfish, forcing the burden of the knowledge of the philosopher's stone on everyone, condeming them to being targets of the homunculi. Even if they would've found out, chances ae that if I hadn't been around, they wouldn't have lived to see them. They might have been able to live normal lives, all of them, if I didn't exist."

Al's heart began to sank as he listened to his brother's confession, everything he'd never say in the prescence of anyone, had he thought them to be awake and listening. The emotion in the boy's voice was thick, his breathing sharp and shallow, pain apparent even through closed eyelids.

"Even when I tried to live in peace, people were hurt. My past couldn't- wouldn't leave me alone, and Alfons died because of me and my selfishness. He wanted to _help_ me and he _died_."

_He wanted you to be happy, Ed! He cared about you, and wouldn't have risked his life if he thought you were selfish. He wanted to return you to our world, to return you to your home, to return you to me..._

But did he really have the right to say those things? After all, he hadn't even known Alfons, and wasn't even sure what happened, but he felt a connection to the boy. Perhaps it was because they were parallels. Maybe they'd shared the same thoughts and perspectives at some point.

However, he could not speak out on these unfounded beliefs, even if he felt that, in his heart, they were right.

"But, Al. . . you've suffered the most, haven't you?"

The younger Elric flinched at the sound of his name, internally groaned, for he knew that Ed would never completely forgive himself for what happened.

"You were bound to that armor because of me, you were dragged across the country because of me, your _life_ was at _stake _because of _me_. You never deserved any of it. We could have grown up happily. I could have accepted mom's death, and I should have, but I was too arrogant. Always, _always_ too arrogant. I thought we could bring her back, do what'd never been done by even the most skilled alchemists. You even tried to stop me, but I was too blinded by my foolishness to listen to you, to realize that there wasn't any equivalent exchange for mom's soul. So, when everything went wrong and I lost you, I realized. . . I couldn't bear the sin alone. I trapped you, fucking _forced_ you into that suit, forced you to wander the countryside and then, I left you alone for two years."

It took all of Al's will not to open his eyes, to confront his brother with a hug and soothing words, reassuring him that it wasn't his fault, that he shouldn't feel so guilty about everything, that he knew he'd come back. He felt that if he didn't let his brother finish, Ed would have a permanent guilt complex for the rest of his life and there would be nothing to do about it. He wasn't sure how, if he could, to comfort his brother in the situation, so he remained silent.

"All those years, Al. . . oh, and then I go and nearly throw it all away, those years of fighting and suffering, by abandoning you on the other side of the gate. I almost lost you forever, and god, I never realized how much I must have hurt you."

Unintentionally, Alphonse remembered the heartache of watching his brother drift away, able to do nothing but take the chance and follow him into the strange world he'd presided in for the past years. His eyes watered slightly and he bit his tongue to keep the tears down.

"I'm sorry. . . I'm sorry, Al."

_Ed..._

"You know, you can stop pretending now."

Bronze eyes flew open to encounter golden ones, murky brown in the darkness of the room. Alphonse immediately donned an apologetic look, only to receive a tired smile in return.

"Ed. . ." he whispered, tone questioning, as if asking for forgiveness. It was if he had invaded his brother's privacy and was caught red-handed and ashamed. The older Elric simply gave a slight sigh and reached out a hand, ruffling the younger boy's hair before returning it under the sheets.

"Heh, you obviously underestimate me; I can tell when you're sleeping and when you're not, Al. I'm your brother," Edward said lightly ", and I know you better than anyone else. And I thought. . . maybe, you needed to know me too."

Alphonse smiled meekly and watched as Ed closed his eyes and relaxed into the bedding, an expression of relief gracing his features. Shifting in the bed, he wrapped his arms around his brother, who gave a slight hum of surprise, but didn't complain. It was then that Alphonse realized that this was the only way he knew to comfort his brother, and it would just have to do.


End file.
